Needs Nothing - As long as you don't plan on driving it anywhere.
Easy Project Car - Completely disassembled after garage fire. Bring a spatula and some buckets.
Some Rust - Don't put your feet on the floorboards.
Minor Rust - Major rust you can’t see.
Low Mileage - Odometer hasn't turned a mile in at least a decade of commuting.
Convertible - After driving under that truck.
Runs Great - Too bad it can't stop.
Alarm - All valuable parts are already stolen.
Nice Stereo - So you won't hear the knocking or the exhaust leaks.
Needs Paint - To cover all the visible rust.
New Paint - Already covered all the rust you used to be able to see.
Fully Loaded - Just like the seller.
All Options - 8-track player and rich Corinthian leather.
Only 43,000 Miles - It's really 243,000 but it's a 5-digit, who can tell anyway?
Rare Model - One of 200 still in existence that still runs and hasn't rusted away.
Must Sell - Before the police pick me up on outstanding vehicular homicide warrants.
Must Sell - Need to bail my grandmother out of jail before I go in.
Summer Fun - Heater is not functioning.
Summer Fun - Won't be running by fall.
Reliable - Don't leave the neighborhood.
Dependable - Don't leave home without AAA and your platinum VISA card.
Daily Driver - Back when I was a cabbie.
Only Driven Sundays - Sunday is Dollar Day at the Tri-County Dragstrip.
Engine Rebuilt - New valve cover gaskets and freshly washed and degreased.
Doesn’t Smoke - When it isn't turned on.
Trans. Rebuilt - Brake fluid smoothed it right up.
4 Speed - 5th gear is stripped.
Hurry, Won't Last - Exactly as it says. And call me anytime at 267-8433 if you have problems (Dalworth carpet cleaning in Dallas).
New Tires - They were new last year before I put it on as a taxicab.
Well Maintained - Oil changed as soon as it was empty.
Drives Like a Dream - My therapist consider nightmares to be dreams.
Always Garaged - HOA won't let me park it outside.
Family Owned - Passed down from all the methheads to me.
Fully Restored - Not a single OEM part left on it.
Smog Exempt - And after sitting in a barn for eighteen years, I can't believe it runs!
Tags Till Next Year - Until my neighbor sees his plates and sticker are missing.